Touching Lives.... Healing Hearts.... Giving Hope....
In Northeast Louisiana
Share's Mission
The mission of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life.
Welcome to Share of Northeast Louisiana, Inc.
Hello and welcome to Share of Northeast Louisiana, Inc. My name is Colleen Howard, and I am the president of the local chapter of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support. As you will read in my story below, I experienced the devastating loss of my newborn daughter in 1990. Finding Share after her death was a blessing, and I will always be thankful they were there for me at a time when I felt so alone and in so much pain.
Life has a way of coming full circle and I started a chapter of Share in 2002. For several months after starting this group my monthly meetings found me sitting alone in a large room graciously offered by Glenwood Medical Mall. Finally, word began to spread and parents found a place to come and feel free to talk about their babies and know someone understood and cared.
For the past two years, I have had a group of mothers and a grandmother who came here in search of solace. With their hard work, commitment and desire to help other grieving families, our group has grown from good friends sitting around my kitchen table to a group of people on a mission to make a huge impact on our community. Our goal is to provide information and grief packets to every hospital, funeral home and obstetrician in Northeast Louisiana so that anyone whose life is touched by the death of their precious baby will know there is a place to go for support. We do not want any parent to want support and not know where to turn.
If you have suffered the loss of a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth or during the first year of life, there is a healing place for you to come to. Whether your baby died recently or years ago you have a safe harbor to come share your grief and find the support and coping skills to deal with your loss. If you know someone whose baby has died, please pass this information on to them. We hold monthly meetings on the second Monday of each month at 7:00 pm and are available at any time to meet with parents. These meetings are open to the parents, grandparents, friends and family at no cost. No family has to take this journey of grief alone.
Share of Northeast Louisiana is a non-profit organization that depends solely on the generosity of caring people who want to help us help others. With support from our community, we will be able to reach out and touch the lives of people who have experienced the most painful of all losses, that of a baby due to pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or neonatal death. If you would like to make a contribution to Share of Northeast Louisiana, Inc., please contact me at 318-644-5216 or email.
Colleen Howard
Mother to Melissa
April 9 - April 10, 1990
I was expecting my fourth child in April 1990. After being blessed with three healthy children, it never entered my mind that anything would go wrong this time. After all, you get pregnant and nine months later you bring your baby home right?
I spent countless hours preparing the nursery, choosing the cute, tiny outfits and relishing every kick. I was in love with this tiny being inside of me and could hardly wait to hold him or her. This would be my last pregnancy and I cherished every second of it. Thankfully, I had no foresight of how tragic things would turn out.
My doctor decided to induce my labor on April 9, 1990. My husband, children and other family members arrived at the hospital full of excitement and anticipation. Finally the “big day” had come! Within a short time after induction, I started running a temperature. Even as I overheard the nurse’s concerns, I had no idea there was a problem. As the hours passed, I became sicker and their concerns grew. My doctor treated the situation as routine until my unborn baby’s heart rate showed signs of serious distress and I was taken to surgery for an emergency cesarean. At 6:11 pm, my daughter was born. I heard “It’s a Girl” and a weak, kitten like cry before being sedated. I did not get to catch even a glimpse of my baby in the delivery room but looking back, maybe that was a blessing. I was spared watching her be recesitated or knowing that she was in critical condition while I laid there helpless on the operating table.
I later learned that Melissa was taken to the regular nursery and left by the pediatrician as though she was a healthy baby. Meanwhile I am in the recovery room unaware of what was happening. The nurse caring for her called the pediatrician to return to the hospital immediately informing him that Melissa had stopped breathing twice, was unresponsive and a very sick little girl. Finally he returns and calls another hospital to transfer her to their NICU. Before being transferred, the NICU staff rolls the incubator into my recovery room and wakes me up to see my precious baby for the first time before taking her away. I was still so drugged that it was hard to comprehend what was happening. The nurses tried to comfort me and told me she was going to be fine. I saw this beautiful baby who weighed 9 lbs. 9 ozs., perfectly developed with a head full of jet black hair and didn’t realize she was fighting for her life right in front of me. Once she was admitted into NICU, every effort was made to save Melissa’s life. Sadly those efforts failed and she died only 8 ½ hours after she was born.
I will never forget the horror I felt when my husband and the doctor who tried so hard to save Melissa came into my room during the middle of the night. No words had to be spoken for it was the somber looks on their faces that told me she was gone. I do not know how to describe the mental anguish I felt at that moment. I just wanted someone to tell me this was a nightmare or some sick joke. But it was real. The baby I wanted and loved so much was gone. Shortly afterward, my beautiful baby girl was brought back to us to hold. I unwrapped the blankets and looked at this brand new life, so precious, so beautiful and wondered how this could be really happening. I begged her to open her eyes, to breathe, to cry! Nothing could have prepared me or my family for this.
The next days were filled with tears, shock and the unimaginable ordeal of planning her funeral. All I could think was how in this world does a parent bury their child! How can a mother survive losing her child? The day of her funeral I felt like a zombie. Had it not been for the medication prescribed for me, I know I would have completely lost control and crawled into the grave for the dirt to be put over both of us. I knew that part of my soul had died, life would never be the same and I would grieve for the rest of my life. Later, my father who had owned and operated an ambulance service for over 15 years, who had seen everything no one ever wants to see, told me that watching my husband carry that tiny casket to her gravesite was the most painful event of his life. How would I ever go on with my life without Melissa?
During my six weeks checkup, my doctor informs me that he has received the autopsy report and that the cause of Melissa’s death was Group B Strep. He further tells me that nothing could have been done to prevent or treat this infection. I immediately began researching Group B Strep and learned that not only was there a test that could have been given to me prior to Melissa’s birth to detect GBS but that fever during labor is a warning sign of this condition. When a woman has a temperature during labor, antibiotics are to immediately to be administered though the IV. Had I been given either, my baby would have had a high chance of survival. This knowledge not only broke my heart again but also sent me on a mission. I learned that there was a group of parents who had formed the Group B Strep Association in Chapel Hill, North Carolina after losing their babies to GBS. After contacting the founders, I was elated to learn that their involvement resulted in mandatory testing of every pregnant woman before her delivery date to determine if she is a carrier of this bacterial infection so that proper treatment can greatly reduce the threat to her unborn baby. This has saved the lives of many, many babies. I soon contacted my local newspapers to tell my story and get this knowledge out to women. I cannot describe the joy when mothers who I had never met called me and said “Your story saved my baby’s life”!
Days turned to weeks, weeks into months. I cried all the time, I begged God to give her back to us and I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I learned that there was a support group called “Share” that held meeting in Shreveport for parents who had lost a baby and I knew I had to go. There I found the support, guidance and shoulders to lean on that I needed so desperately. I was able to talk with other mothers who had been through the same thing and knew how I felt. There I didn’t have to hear “Well, you didn’t even know her”, “Be happy you never took her home and then something happened”, “You have other children”, etc. like I had to hear from people who had never lost a baby. I learned that the nightmares and hearing her cry were “normal” and I wasn’t losing my mind. I learned that all I was feeling was the same as they had felt. Most of all, I saw through them that at some point in time I was going to feel I could survive this and go on with my life. That I would NEVER be the same but I would find acceptance and be able to find joy in life again. I also learned that grief is a vicious cycle of emotions that would come and go for a long time and it was okay to let myself feel them all. With the support from Share and all the new people that came into my life, I slowly began to heal.
Many years later I felt there was something missing from my life, something I needed to do. After soul searching I realized that starting my own Share group for this area was it. I contacted local hospitals and learned that there was not a support group here for parents who had lost a baby and it was much needed and welcomed. From there, my local Share group became a reality. I have found peace and healing in helping parents who have suffered the devastating loss of their beloved babies. I have seen firsthand how much being in a group of parents who share the same pain, talking about that pain and healing together has done for them. For me, it gives Melissa’s life and death meaning and purpose beyond what she means to me personally. She is the reason I open my wound over and over because in doing so, I help other parents to heal. I thank God everyday for giving me that precious life even for such a short time. She will live on through me and her legacy will never die.
A special thanks goes out to my husband Jackie who continues to support me through my journey of grief, encouraged me when I started this group and still does, and to my surviving children, Lance, Jessica and Maggie who have never forgotten their little sister.
Ashley Miletello
Mother to Ayden
April 30, 2005 - May 1, 2005
First of all let me start off by saying how truly sorry I am for your loss. Writing this has been a very hard process but I feel I should share my story in hopes that it will help others. The pain will never go away but it will get easier. My name is Ashley. When I found out I was pregnant I was twenty years old, single and away from home. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. I moved home in February 2005. I was five and a half months pregnant when I came home. I found out that my unborn son had heart problems around twenty-four weeks. I started planning all the necessary doctor appointments he was going to go to. I was put on stress tests at every doctor visit. On April 28, 2005 after one of my routine check ups my doctor wanted me to be put in the hospital for observation. That night everything was fine. He next morning the doctor on call wanted me to take the 24 hour urine test. That night my nurse came in and told me that earlier when I had a contraction my son’s heart rate dropped. I panicked and called my mom to come stay with me. The second time his heart rate dropped to 50. The nurses hooked me up to an IV and gave me a steroid shot to help build up his lungs. The contractions stopped for the night. The next afternoon while having an ultrasound it dropped again. At 5:00 pm Saturday the doctor came in and told me that I was going to have an emergency c-section. My beautiful baby boy Ayden Douglas was born on April 30, 2005 at 5:46 pm. I saw him for a minute but they immediately took him to NICU. He was 4 pounds, 12 ounces and breathing on his own. He was anemic and had to have a blood transfusion. I finally got to go see him about 11:30 pm. I was so worn out from all the excitement of the day I only stayed with him for about 20 minutes. At 4:45AM on May 1, the nurse woke me up saying something was wrong. I went straight to NICU to be with him. When I first got there, I saw all the doctors and nurses working on him. It was so hard to watch that I had to leave. The four hours of them working on him went by so fast. I had absolutely no recollection of time. I just kept telling the doctors to keep going. The time finally came when I had to say goodbye. They were pumping his heart as they placed him in my arms. He passed away at 8:14 in my arms from a congenital heart defect.
I was absolutely devastated. All I kept saying was what did I do for God to take my baby from me. I didn’t know how to function. I was so prepared for him to be here. I didn’t know what to do without him. I was pretty strong until the day of the funeral. When the casket closed, I felt my heart fall out. That was the last time I would see my angel. My life as been a roller coaster ever since. I have been up and down many times. I blamed myself mostly because I just knew there as something more I could have done. I finally broke down and realized that he was taken from me for a reason. This group has helped me realize that if it wasn’t for the support I received from the group, my family, and my friends, I don’t know where I would be in this time of grief. It will get easier. There are other people who understand and want to help. If it ever gets too tough and you don’t think you can handle it, just remember, “When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on”.
Amie Hale
Mother to Tristen
January 8, 2005
I found out I was pregnant with Tristen in July 2004. I was so excited and scared. I had never been pregnant before. I didn’t know what to expect. I never in a million years thought something would go wrong. Then when I was twelve weeks pregnant I found out there was a problem with him. He had an opening in his chest. The doctors weren’t sure how bad it was. I was sent to a specialist. They did several ultrasounds and as Tristen grew the opening got larger. Some of his organs were on the outside of his body. The doctor told me that the chance of survival was not likely. I felt like my whole world had crashed down around me. The doctor told me that Tristen had Limb Body Wall Syndrome. I didn’t give up. I just knew the doctors were wrong. I prayed for a miracle but no matter how hard I prayed nothing changed. On January 7, 2005 my husband and I were sitting at home and I had been hurting for two days. I just stood up and my water broke. I was horrified. I was only seven months pregnant. When we got to the hospital it was about 10:30PM. Around 4:00AM the nurse came in to check me and I was ready to deliver. At 4:35AM was son was born. All I could say was “Is he alive?”. The doctor said yes but he was barely breathing. They cleaned him up. The pediatrician came in to talk to me. He told me that his lungs were not connected and all of his organs except his heart were on the outside of his body. He then asked me how long I wanted them to work on him. I wanted to say “Until you can make him better” but I couldn’t do that. I told him that I wanted to see him alive and then he could let him go. He told me that Tristen would not be able to respond to me because there was no oxygen getting to his brain. When they brought Tristen to me and laid him on my chest, he opened his eyes. All I could do was cry. He was so beautiful. They gave me five minutes with him and then came back and took him away. That was the last time I saw him alive. He died at 5:02AM. I thought my life was over. I felt so lost and alone. We had Tristen’s funeral one week later. I thought no one could understand what I was going through until I found a support group called “Share”. I met Colleen in February 2005 and she showed me that I was not alone. It really helped me to have someone to talk to. I have met several other mothers and talked with them. Now I know that all hope is not lost because on June 22, 2006 Allen Ray Hale was born. He is a healthy baby boy. Just remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I also remember a saying my grandmother always said that has helped me a lot... “This too shall pass.”
Nikki Rinaudo
Mother to Deacon
August 8, 2005
My name is Nikki Rinaudo. I am the mother of two boys, one girl and a surprise on the way. I never imagined my life would be like it has turned out. I never thought life could be so hard at times.
Bishop is my first child. My little man was born in 2002. Then came Abigail, aka “Belles”, in 2004. Then we had Deacon in 2005. The only difference between our three beautiful children is that Deacon is our “angel baby”. Here is my story.
I was pregnant with our third baby in 2005. We were old pros at this baby thing. We were due on September 6, 2005. We were scheduled for a c-section and we were going to have my tubes tied. Our little boy would be our last one. This pregnancy was no different from my other two. No different at all until that day.
It was a Wednesday when I last truly felt Deacon kick inside of me. It was an extremely hard kick. He was a strong baby. I started feeling bad Friday night. I was tired and a little achy. Like I said before, Deacon really had not kicked since Wednesday. He was going to be a big baby. My first baby was a big baby and all but stopped moving around because he was so big. I did not really think anything of it until late Sunday. I started to worry a little bit. I had a doctor’s appointment for that Tuesday but I changed it for Monday. My brother and sister-in-law took me that Monday morning because my husband could not leave work. I can remember every detail like it was yesterday. We got to the doctor’s office at about 11:00. My brother and sister-in-law watched my children while the nurse took me to the back and hooked me up to the fetal monitor. She could not find a heartbeat so the nurse practitioner came in and tried. No luck with her doing it either. She then took me to the back to the ultrasound room. I had a feeling then. It is like slow motion, a dream that you cannot wake up from. She put the doppler on my stomach and then came the words I will never forget - “I am so sorry Nikki.” What was she sorry for? Nothing was wrong. My baby was fine. All I could do was cry. They went and got my brother and I remember him trying to leave so he could go get my husband and all I could say is it is not true. Crying and saying no over and over again.
I remember telling my husband, Jon, that would it not be great if we had the c-section and the baby was just asleep. That it was all a mistake. Our baby was really just fine.
Christopher Deacon Rinaudo was born silent into this world on Monday, August 8, 2005 at 8:30 pm. He weighed 6 lbs. 2 ozs. and was 18 ½ inches long. An absolutely beautiful, perfect baby. We got to hold him and we had him baptized. I have his footprints, his blanket and cap, and pictures of him from the hospital and funeral home. I took everything I could possibly get that would remind me of my precious baby.
Deacon was buried on August 11th beside his great grandparents. The hardest thing in life is to bury your child. Jon carried his little coffin out to the grave by himself. He said it would be the last time he held his baby boy. My heart was in pieces watching him. Our two other children did not understand and they still don’t. Bishop knows his little brother is in Heaven and he says that Deacon likes to slide down the rainbows in the sky.
Losing Deacon was the lowest point in my life. It was like it was all a dream. An absolutely horrible dream that I could not wake up from. My sister took me to the Share support group about two weeks after we lost Deacon. These women are the most supportive people in the world. I can talk to them about things that my husband and my family could not understand. We have been through the loss of an infant. We can understand the feelings the others may be having. Without the Share group I would not have anyone to talk to that could understand.
My family has been very supportive. It was hard on them and sometimes still is. My doctor and his staff were excellent. They were very kind during our loss and are very supportive now with our fourth pregnancy. The funeral home personnel were kind. They went out of their way to help us in every way.
Deacon was born and died for a specific reason. I may not know what it is right now but I will one day. There is not a day that goes by that I have not thought of him. He will always be with us. He is our angel baby watching over us from above.
2nd Annual Walk for 
Remembrance and Hope
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